What breaks you heart? ...
I know what breaks mine...One of my prayers to God within the last year has been for God to soften my heart. Many years ago my heart was so hard, I did not care about anyone else but me. God has really been working on my humility and the way I let myself trust people.
There is a song by Hillsong United called "Hosanna" that God seems to send me a message through. There is a part that says "Break my heart for what breaks yours" and for the longest time it has been my prayer. I have prayed to God to break my heart when I encounter something that breaks his heart, that he uses me to make things right around me.
I encountered that sadness about a month ago when I fed a homeless man....
I was on my way to the grocery store, and I was in a hurry because I wanted to make sure that I got home before my husband got home. I wanted to have dinner ready.
As I was walking in and I happen to notice a homeless man leaning against a column right outside the entrance of my neighborhood Vons. Since I was in hurry I did not make eye contact but I knew he was there. There was something about him that made me feel so sad inside...
When I was inside the grocery store I could not stop thinking about that man standing there in the cold. I quickly grabbed what I needed and proceeded to the check stand...and as I was standing there this verse came into my head..
Matthew 25:35-36
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
So I paid for my groceries and began to walk out...I walked past the homeless man, but on my way there I happened to make eye contact for a quick second. He had the most beautiful piercing blue eyes I had ever seen...they reminded me of the ocean. So I walked to my car put my groceries on the car and walked back to the homeless man. I stopped and asked him "are you hungry?" and he looked right up at me and said "yes ma'am I am" I said "wait right here, I'll be right back, don't leave"...he shook his head yes and I ran back into the grocery store.
I walked up and down the aisles and picked out a bunch of can goods,water and fruit that he could keep for days. I walked back out and handed him the bags of groceries he grabbed my hand and kept saying "thank you so much, thank you so much" I stared at him right into his beautiful blue eyes and said "you are welcome, God bless you". I walked to my car and got in...and as i started my car I began to cry and then sob uncontrollably. I had no idea what was happening to me...then It hit me... I was feeling a glimpse of the sadness that God felt when one of his children is lost and hurting.
I had asked God to break MY heart for what broke HIS . Let me tell you that It was a sadness I had never felt before. As I was sitting in my car falling apart I began to pray and to ask God to use me for his glory. I knew I had to get home so I turned my car on and drove myself home. I have no idea how I got home because all I remember Is crying ALL the way home. After I got home I began to wonder about that man, how he got there? where he slept? what had happen in his life to have landed him there, homeless and hungry?
I now open my eyes more to my surroundings and listen more attentively to what God might say to me. I sometimes feel that It was Jesus himself who shook my hand and said "thank you". All i know now is that God loves his children SO much, and that he suffers when we are sad.
