The madness inside my head.

Friday was an ok day...i had a doctor's appointment and then went home. I was not happy about the news and honestly a little scared about it. But over all it was an ok day...

Saturday was great. My not so romantic husband attempted to be romantic by making a delicious meal at home. Flowers and candles on the table...it was wonderful...I love him so much for trying.

Sunday morning...It was horrible. I have no idea how it began, but all i knew is that i had an anxiety attack, i was crying and having a complete meltdown and felt like i could not breathe. My husband not knowin what to do decided to ignore it, which in return made it worse. I began to think all these awful things like how my husband didn't care about me and how i could possibly die of an unknown illness that i could very well have, and how we where never going to make it...and on and on. I started crying so hard that it was so hard for me to breathe. What the heck was wrong with me????
A long time ago, i suffered from anxiety and it was not pretty. I avoided social situations because i never knew when i was going to have an attack and i did not want to be embarrassed. My doctor said that stress can bring them on...the thing is i don't feel that stressed. I am a little worried but nothing like i used too. Nevertheless i managed to ruin our Sunday with my little episode. I don't blame my husband for wanting to run away, but at the same time i needed him to tell me it was ok, that he was going to protect me ,encourage me, and most of all love me.

After the episode i could not open my eyes...they were so swollen from me crying. I began thinking of how awful i must have been to my husband. I apologized for ruining his Sunday and for being awful to him...he looked at me and said "there is nothing to be sorry about...i love you and am here for you". Those simple words could have been the saving grace at the beginning of all of this...but it was not until the end that he figured out how to calm all the madness in my head. And from that we have grown....

I love my husband. Even though he doesn't always have the right words at the right time, he always figures it out...and he loves me even when i am crazy.