The Ugly Pit...

To My Dearest Friend Debbie (I thank God Everyday for sending me an Angel Like you)

As the end of my night closes in, there are so many things that are on my mind that I feel i want to share.
Not even a few months ago i found myself in an ugly pit. It was so hard to breathe, sleep, eat and go to work. I found myself crying out to the Lord and begging him to take this awful pain away from me.

But before i continue to tell you about that, there was so much going on in "our" lives that had brought me to that place...actually to many to count, to many to list.

To make it very clear, I strive everyday to live for the Lord, to be his reflection. NO i am not perfect, and i have fallen and will continue to fall short of the Glory of God. For the last few months the fire that burned inside of me had ran out of fuel. I went to church just to go to church, not because i wanted to go to church just because i knew i had to. And every night i would cry out to the Lord and asked him how come he was silent? I wanted nothing more than to serve him, and to fulfill every amazing plan he had for me.

But yet God continued to be silent....

I didn't understand, I cried and cried "God I'm here!!! Use me!"...with everything else around me falling apart, that was like icing on a cake, and i let doubt come into my mind. And then i fell in. I fell into the Ugly Pit of doubt, depression and loneliness.

For weeks i could not keep my eyes open, all i wanted to do was sleep forever, it was so hard for me to get out of bed. But I KNEW my God would not forsake me. Yet i still felt broken and i did not know why. Weeks passed by and i just went with the motions hoping that the feeling of sadness would go away. But it didn't, i closed the door, the shades and i completely withdrew from everyone...i was completely buried inside the pit.

It was then with the awful feeling of hopelessness that God sent me an angel. I remember it like it was yesterday...

As i walked into my room to cry my eyes out...the phone rang. On the other side, there....was the hand that pulled me out of the pit. As i talked to Debbie, (Debbie is an mazing woman that God put in my life, one of the most amazing women of God) i felt led to speak to her about ALL of the things that had been destroying my life. And with that sweet voice of hers, she shared her story with me, and how much we were alike...and how she had gone through something similar.

We talked for like an hour and a half, and God gave her the words to encourage me, and to point me in the direction in which i was to go. She suggested i share my sadness and oppression with other fellow Christians and have them pray for me. That was hard for me, those of you that know me know that i stopped sharing a long time ago due to awful heartbreak during a certain period of my life. I still to this day get sad over that from time to time.

That Friday i attended our small group. We usually have a topic and an agenda to follow then we pray for each other, but God had plans for me already. "Coincidentally" that night was "catch up" night, Mike said that we would talk about what had been going on in our lives, and how we could pray for each other...that there was no agenda. At that moment i felt this big lump on my throat and i felt like i was going to explode!

I knew if i was going to share i had to go last. I had so much to say and it was there...sitting in my mouth with an awful pain. I felt like i was going to throw up, i started getting a headache and as they went around the circle and getting closer to me i felt like i was going to pass out.

Galatians 6:2
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Finally the time came...i opened my mouth and it ALL came out. Sadness, loneliness, oppression...it was ALL there, ALL out...

Let me tell you that God also placed the people in our small group in my life for a reason. Without a minute to spare after it all came out, the immediately placed their hands on me and began to pray for me. I felt an amazing sense of relief and literally weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I knew that night that God was not done with me yet, that he had something else in store for me...

God has done an amazing transformation in my life...

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

But for now...you will have to wait for that story...

With all my love,

Denisse

(Debbie, thank you. I would be completely lost without you! There is no other friend like you!)