I was laying on my bed thinking about a few of the things that God has taught me over the years...and this is one of the ones I felt he was telling me to write about...don't know why...but I will be obedient, so here we go....
Though the years as I've walked with God i discovered a lot of things about myself. I've discovered that what comes out of my mouth comes from my heart, I've discovered that a lot of my crying has been a part of a healing process that many times I forbid my self to have, and I've discovered that I'm a bigger softy than I was.
I have always been known as the "honest one"...actually way too honest. Friends used to tell me that I had no buffer when it came to my opinion. And they were right. I was never afraid of saying what I was thinking, or what was going thought my mind no matter whose feelings were hurt. I believed that there was no point in trying to pretend to like something or a person, if i didn't like it i said it. Many times I was told "I was a afraid of you"...Of course now I know that I was wrong.
Quite a few years ago my husband and I took a ministry gifts test at our old church. On of my main gifts according to that test was that gift of exaltation...can you believe that? I laughed so hard and then...I was confused. I said to myself how am I going to encourage people if I NEVER have anything nice to say.
I showed the test to one my husbands aunts who is a missionary in Africa, I figured she would tell me the test was wrong or that I needed to take it again. I was really looking for some sort of guidance....To my surprise this is what she said "God has a lot of work to do with you" and "You needed to learn how to speak to your husband, you are not his mother...you are his wife"...oh yes!! you read that right! I was livid!!! I was always taught to respect my elders so I bit my tongue...until we got in the car to go home that is. I remember crying and yelling at my husband and telling him "who does she think she is?!!" "she doesn't know how WE joke around" "she doesn't know anything about me" "how dare she judge me and tell me that I am a bad wife???!"...For the first time I had gotten a little bit of my own medicine, and it was a though pill to swallow...I resented her for many years, and I avoided going to see her at all cost.
Now as I look back and I replay what happened that day, I know now what she was really trying to say to me...My heart was as hard a rock during that time, and everything that came out of my mouth was like a poison.
Luke 6:45
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
I know NOW that what she said that day was out of love not out of judgment. I wasn't until about four years ago that I allowed God to dig deep into my heart and pull out all those weeds that were taking over my heart. I had a lot of pain in my heart from my past, and I was using my mouth as defense mechanism. I used to think that getting emotional was for the weak. I remember right after I decided to let God in I could not stop crying...I asked one of my dear friends "what the heck is happening to me??" she said "it's all part of the healing process" then she handed me a book by Joyce Mayer called "Finding Peace for Your Heart". I spent the next few weeks reading it and asking God to soften my heart...It was then that I completely understood the damage I had caused my husband with my words. I understood how I was dishonoring God by dishonoring my husband and I felt horrible.
I apologized to my husband for being and awful wife, I asked God for forgiveness and I decided that would no longer let the weeds take over the magnificent crop hat God had planted in my heart. With the help of my almighty God I have learned to hold my tongue, but i still have a long road ahead of me. Isn't it funny that as soon as you allow God to pluck out the weeds the enemy begins to plant different ones on the other side of the field. But no matter how hard he tries I know that my almighty father is in control and the enemy cannot keep me from the amazing plan that God has laid out for me.
I have not only learned to conftrol my tongue and honor my husband, but most of all I've learned honor God with my mouth, my heart and every breath that I take. He has reached down inside of me and dug deep to get to the heart of the matter....he has healed tremendous pain in my life and has restored me gently and lovingly.
Thank you God for coming into my heart...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
LOST
Lost:
1 : not made use of, won, or claimed
1 : not made use of, won, or claimed
2 a : no longer possessed b : no longer known
3 : ruined or destroyed physically or morally
4 a : taken away or beyond reach or attainment
5 a : unable to find the way b : no longer visible c : lacking assurance or self-confidence : helpless
7 : not appreciated or understood
8 : obscured or overlooked during a process or activity
9 : hopelessly unattainable
At some form or way; today I felt more than a few of these definitions.
Psalm 40:1 "I waited patiently fro the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry"
Lord, I am patiently waiting to hear from you...
Friday, February 26, 2010
I love you more today
During the last few months that my husband has been unemployed, he has found himself getting closer and closer to God. As a wife, it makes my heart beat stronger to see him so involved in his studies and becoming the man that God made him to be.
A few weeks ago he said to me "I love you more today than I did when I married you". I made me smile and cry at the same time because I felt the same way. God has done many wonderful things for our marriage, but the most significant thing he has done is save our marriage. We are far from perfect, but I like to say that now we have become "one". He often kisses me sweetly on my cheek and says " I love you my wiffey, bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh".
So why am I sharing all of this corny stuff you say? well let me tell you why...
4 years ago we could not even stand to look at each other....that's why. God has changed both of us for the better, he has worked on us individually and together. Often times I think about how far God has brought us and how he has a purpose for out marriage.
During the last 8 years we have been trying to have a baby and year after year we have been unsuccessful. We've had countless doctor's appointment, countless test and on and on and on... that has definitely brought some heartache into out marriage. My husband has been wanting a baby for years and I was not able to give him the child that he wanted. After trying for 5 years I convinced myself that I did not want to have a baby anymore so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore and it wouldn't hurt as much. In other words and to be honest...I had lost faith.
For the next few years I lost faith that we would ever have a baby, and I often times kicked my self for not believing.
Through a lot of prayer and encouragement from my wonderful husband my faith has been restored. I BELIEVE that God WILL bless us with a child. Now all we have to do is be patient...
My husband and I pray constantly and he keeps telling me " It's all in God's perfect timing" and I DO believe that with every piece of my body and soul. I believe that all those years that we tried to have a baby God was working on our hearts and souls, and looking back; we where NOT ready to receive his blessing. So today I can tell you that I love my husband more than they day I married him and I can't wait to see the perfect plan that God has for us, and the many blessings that await us.
A few weeks ago he said to me "I love you more today than I did when I married you". I made me smile and cry at the same time because I felt the same way. God has done many wonderful things for our marriage, but the most significant thing he has done is save our marriage. We are far from perfect, but I like to say that now we have become "one". He often kisses me sweetly on my cheek and says " I love you my wiffey, bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh".
So why am I sharing all of this corny stuff you say? well let me tell you why...
4 years ago we could not even stand to look at each other....that's why. God has changed both of us for the better, he has worked on us individually and together. Often times I think about how far God has brought us and how he has a purpose for out marriage.
During the last 8 years we have been trying to have a baby and year after year we have been unsuccessful. We've had countless doctor's appointment, countless test and on and on and on... that has definitely brought some heartache into out marriage. My husband has been wanting a baby for years and I was not able to give him the child that he wanted. After trying for 5 years I convinced myself that I did not want to have a baby anymore so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore and it wouldn't hurt as much. In other words and to be honest...I had lost faith.
For the next few years I lost faith that we would ever have a baby, and I often times kicked my self for not believing.
Through a lot of prayer and encouragement from my wonderful husband my faith has been restored. I BELIEVE that God WILL bless us with a child. Now all we have to do is be patient...
My husband and I pray constantly and he keeps telling me " It's all in God's perfect timing" and I DO believe that with every piece of my body and soul. I believe that all those years that we tried to have a baby God was working on our hearts and souls, and looking back; we where NOT ready to receive his blessing. So today I can tell you that I love my husband more than they day I married him and I can't wait to see the perfect plan that God has for us, and the many blessings that await us.
Monday, January 11, 2010
WHAT DID YOU PUT ON THIS???
So most of you know that I have a wonderful pre-teen daughter that I love to death...She is for the most part a GREAT kid. She has been going through the pre-teen stuff like talking back and not listening the first time I tell her to do things.
Now being that I am not used to this kind of behavior because I've only had one kid, and my teaching experience is only as far as 5 years old...well it has been a little interesting. So from 5 years of age it all has been a learning experience for all of us, sometimes I do the right thing and sometimes I don't...It's all part of parenting.
I know that there is a gazillion books on parenting and so on and so forth...but the one thing that has been driving me nuts I can't seem to beat. For the last 5 months everything I give my kid to eat she has something to complain about!! what the heck!?? I know I am a good cook and I can make great food...I mean I'm no "Paula Dean" or "Rachael Ray" but I KNOW I can cook. She takes the first bite of ANYTHING on her plate and asks "What did you put on this?" I look at her and say "spices...food..you know...cooking things"...and then she looks away and says "well it tastes different" then I say "You've had this before...It's NOT cooked any different, and you liked it then"...and then she moves on to argue with me on how she has never had whatever I gave her before and how she is "FULL" all of a sudden... what the heck???!!
I know she is trying not to hurt my feelings by telling me she doesn't like it, but she rather eat processed "macaroni and cheese" and all that other crap that is out there. Where did I go wrong?? I mean this was the girl that loved taking a vegetable medley container to school for snack, she loved vegetables!!! She used to tell her friends to come over to eat because "her mommy's food was so good" She will still eat vegetables but not with any enthusiasm....and let me tell you that I haven't heard her invite her friends over to eat..she rather go to their house and eat :( It makes me so sad...
For the last 5 months I have been doubting myself as a cook. I don't know what else to do for her. The rule at my house is "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it, but you must try it at least twice (2 bites) , If you decide not to eat it Oh well...that's what's for dinner and the kitchen is closed " Do kids taste buds change when the hit puberty or something??? Because I'm assuming that IS what is happening to my kid. Unless I have truly become a horrible cook...
I just pray that God gives me strength to deal with her attitude...
Anyways, there is no point to this blog by the way...I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.
This is a picture of the "Chicken Piccata" I love to make.
Now being that I am not used to this kind of behavior because I've only had one kid, and my teaching experience is only as far as 5 years old...well it has been a little interesting. So from 5 years of age it all has been a learning experience for all of us, sometimes I do the right thing and sometimes I don't...It's all part of parenting.
I know that there is a gazillion books on parenting and so on and so forth...but the one thing that has been driving me nuts I can't seem to beat. For the last 5 months everything I give my kid to eat she has something to complain about!! what the heck!?? I know I am a good cook and I can make great food...I mean I'm no "Paula Dean" or "Rachael Ray" but I KNOW I can cook. She takes the first bite of ANYTHING on her plate and asks "What did you put on this?" I look at her and say "spices...food..you know...cooking things"...and then she looks away and says "well it tastes different" then I say "You've had this before...It's NOT cooked any different, and you liked it then"...and then she moves on to argue with me on how she has never had whatever I gave her before and how she is "FULL" all of a sudden... what the heck???!!
I know she is trying not to hurt my feelings by telling me she doesn't like it, but she rather eat processed "macaroni and cheese" and all that other crap that is out there. Where did I go wrong?? I mean this was the girl that loved taking a vegetable medley container to school for snack, she loved vegetables!!! She used to tell her friends to come over to eat because "her mommy's food was so good" She will still eat vegetables but not with any enthusiasm....and let me tell you that I haven't heard her invite her friends over to eat..she rather go to their house and eat :( It makes me so sad...
For the last 5 months I have been doubting myself as a cook. I don't know what else to do for her. The rule at my house is "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it, but you must try it at least twice (2 bites) , If you decide not to eat it Oh well...that's what's for dinner and the kitchen is closed " Do kids taste buds change when the hit puberty or something??? Because I'm assuming that IS what is happening to my kid. Unless I have truly become a horrible cook...
I just pray that God gives me strength to deal with her attitude...
Anyways, there is no point to this blog by the way...I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.
This is a picture of the "Chicken Piccata" I love to make.Sunday, December 20, 2009
Breaking down the walls and building up the soul.
Over the last month our family has been experiencing a lot of hardship. I'm not going to go into the details of it because most of the people that know me well already know what I am talking about. There has been a lot of times when I have no idea how the heck I am going to make it to work, do my job and come back home in without falling apart.
During the past 2 months, I have doubted, yelled, cried, worried, been awake for countless nights and lost 6 pounds due to stress. I let my human nature take over, when I could have given it to God and he could have given me peace.
Three months ago things were looking good for us as a family, we had big plans and It looked like everything was falling into place. Then the unexpected happened, things started to fall apart real quick. I had so much faith that God was going to give us what WE had planned for us. Then circumstances happened that prevented us from doing anything that we had planned for...not even one thing. It took a lot of painful nights and a lot of prayer to realize that what WE had planned for us was NOT what God had planned for us. Those plans were either on hold or God had something so much better for us. I was disappointed at myself for ever doubting God, and I was angry at myself for trying to fix it on my own. I prayed day and night for God to give me faith...
God placed amazing people around my family that prayed, cried, and provided for us. It was these amazing people that helped me realize that I had to put my pride aside, and become vulnerable and transparent. Being transparent is something that is REALLY hard for me, but with the help of prayer, the amazing people around us and God I was able to break down those walls. I am SO amazingly blessed for each and everyone one of these people, specially when it came to my husbands health.
This whole experience has definitely built up our souls and has brought our family closer to God. Our faith has been tested but it was never absent....I know that sometimes our biggest struggles are our greatest blessings. Though we are not out of the pit, I have no doubt that God will see us through this...He has shown us his love by sending us our extended family in our time of need...our church family, and for that we will always be thankful.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
During the past 2 months, I have doubted, yelled, cried, worried, been awake for countless nights and lost 6 pounds due to stress. I let my human nature take over, when I could have given it to God and he could have given me peace.
Three months ago things were looking good for us as a family, we had big plans and It looked like everything was falling into place. Then the unexpected happened, things started to fall apart real quick. I had so much faith that God was going to give us what WE had planned for us. Then circumstances happened that prevented us from doing anything that we had planned for...not even one thing. It took a lot of painful nights and a lot of prayer to realize that what WE had planned for us was NOT what God had planned for us. Those plans were either on hold or God had something so much better for us. I was disappointed at myself for ever doubting God, and I was angry at myself for trying to fix it on my own. I prayed day and night for God to give me faith...
"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
God placed amazing people around my family that prayed, cried, and provided for us. It was these amazing people that helped me realize that I had to put my pride aside, and become vulnerable and transparent. Being transparent is something that is REALLY hard for me, but with the help of prayer, the amazing people around us and God I was able to break down those walls. I am SO amazingly blessed for each and everyone one of these people, specially when it came to my husbands health.
each helps the other and says to his brother, "Be strong!"
This whole experience has definitely built up our souls and has brought our family closer to God. Our faith has been tested but it was never absent....I know that sometimes our biggest struggles are our greatest blessings. Though we are not out of the pit, I have no doubt that God will see us through this...He has shown us his love by sending us our extended family in our time of need...our church family, and for that we will always be thankful.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Break My Heart
What breaks you heart? ...
I know what breaks mine...One of my prayers to God within the last year has been for God to soften my heart. Many years ago my heart was so hard, I did not care about anyone else but me. God has really been working on my humility and the way I let myself trust people.
There is a song by Hillsong United called "Hosanna" that God seems to send me a message through. There is a part that says "Break my heart for what breaks yours" and for the longest time it has been my prayer. I have prayed to God to break my heart when I encounter something that breaks his heart, that he uses me to make things right around me.
I encountered that sadness about a month ago when I fed a homeless man....
I was on my way to the grocery store, and I was in a hurry because I wanted to make sure that I got home before my husband got home. I wanted to have dinner ready.
As I was walking in and I happen to notice a homeless man leaning against a column right outside the entrance of my neighborhood Vons. Since I was in hurry I did not make eye contact but I knew he was there. There was something about him that made me feel so sad inside...
When I was inside the grocery store I could not stop thinking about that man standing there in the cold. I quickly grabbed what I needed and proceeded to the check stand...and as I was standing there this verse came into my head..
Matthew 25:35-36
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
So I paid for my groceries and began to walk out...I walked past the homeless man, but on my way there I happened to make eye contact for a quick second. He had the most beautiful piercing blue eyes I had ever seen...they reminded me of the ocean. So I walked to my car put my groceries on the car and walked back to the homeless man. I stopped and asked him "are you hungry?" and he looked right up at me and said "yes ma'am I am" I said "wait right here, I'll be right back, don't leave"...he shook his head yes and I ran back into the grocery store.
I walked up and down the aisles and picked out a bunch of can goods,water and fruit that he could keep for days. I walked back out and handed him the bags of groceries he grabbed my hand and kept saying "thank you so much, thank you so much" I stared at him right into his beautiful blue eyes and said "you are welcome, God bless you". I walked to my car and got in...and as i started my car I began to cry and then sob uncontrollably. I had no idea what was happening to me...then It hit me... I was feeling a glimpse of the sadness that God felt when one of his children is lost and hurting.
I had asked God to break MY heart for what broke HIS . Let me tell you that It was a sadness I had never felt before. As I was sitting in my car falling apart I began to pray and to ask God to use me for his glory. I knew I had to get home so I turned my car on and drove myself home. I have no idea how I got home because all I remember Is crying ALL the way home. After I got home I began to wonder about that man, how he got there? where he slept? what had happen in his life to have landed him there, homeless and hungry?
I now open my eyes more to my surroundings and listen more attentively to what God might say to me. I sometimes feel that It was Jesus himself who shook my hand and said "thank you". All i know now is that God loves his children SO much, and that he suffers when we are sad.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
When the answer is NO...
I remember growing up in a home where mom was the boss, and my dad was the provider. My mom always made the decisions and when it came to the kids...dad would NEVER get involved.
Even though my dad never got involved, I was HIS girl. He would always bring me my favorite pastry, candy or whatever I wanted right before dinner without my mom knowing, my dad liked to spoil my appetite before dinner ;).
I loved my dad and he hardly ever said NO to me. It didn't take long to figure out how to manipulate my parents. When I wanted to go somewhere and I knew my mom would say no, I would ask my dad first because he would say yes and then my mom HAD to say yes...(by the way I caught my daughter doing that last month...and then I told my husband that he could not say yes to anything she asked until WE discussed it together).
Once I turned ten, my father realized that I was NO longer a little girl. The first time my father said NO I went on a rebellious rampage that led from one bad decision to the next, and with no parental guidance on site It only got worse as the days went by (my mother lived in the hospital until I was 14 an my father worked the second shift). Who knew that one of the most stupid decisions of my life was going to lead me to road of salvation....
When I got saved I felt like my heavenly father gave me a lot of things that I prayed for even when I felt I didn't deserve it (kinda like my earthly father). I have grown so much over the years, and I have also learned that the answer is not always yes. I remember the first time my heavenly father said No to me, my father died that day when he went in for a simple procedure that the doctor said would not take long, and my father would be great. Hours upon hours went by and finally the doctor called us in and said that my father had suffered cardiac arrest, and that they could not resuscitate him in time so his brain had died from not receiving enough oxygen. I remember crying out to God so hard that I felt like my chest was going to explode, I wanted God to bring him back, to save him, to bring him back to my mother. But God said NO.
What happens to us when the answer is NO? Does our faith in God change? Do we turn our backs? For a few people sadly that is the answer. Not for me...I decided that there had to be a reason why God was saying NO to me, for little while I thought that God was not listening to me. Little did I know that God had already responded by not responding. As I matured in my Christian walk, my prayers have changed from "God take away this pain" to "God help me bear this pain and help me learn what you are trying to teach me". There is ALWAYS a lesson to be learned. God only wants what is best for us, and he would NEVER say yes to one of our prayer if it meant it could possibly lead us away from him or hurt us.
We often times think that because God IS God, he wont let our father die, or we wont loose our job, or one of our family members wont be terminally ill after all. Well you know what? Sometimes our father calls our father to heaven, sometimes God had bigger plans for us other than that job, and sometimes it takes an illness to bring you closer to God. The answer will NOT always be YES, only God knows what he has planned for all of us. In fact sometimes for our own good, or that of others, "NO" is the only answer a loving God would give.
I am VERY thankful for all the prayers in which God has said YES, but none of those have brought me closer to the Lord than the ones in which the answer was NO.
Keep this in mind when you YOUR answer is NO:
I. God always has an answer...and like it or not "NO" is an answer too.
II. Just because God will not, does not mean He CANNOT. He is able to do abundantly more than we can ask or even think. (Eph 3:20-21)
III. We don't always know what His purpose is, but we can affirm THAT it is; and because of what God has revealed to us of Himself; we know that His purpose is all-loving and all-wise
Even though my dad never got involved, I was HIS girl. He would always bring me my favorite pastry, candy or whatever I wanted right before dinner without my mom knowing, my dad liked to spoil my appetite before dinner ;).
I loved my dad and he hardly ever said NO to me. It didn't take long to figure out how to manipulate my parents. When I wanted to go somewhere and I knew my mom would say no, I would ask my dad first because he would say yes and then my mom HAD to say yes...(by the way I caught my daughter doing that last month...and then I told my husband that he could not say yes to anything she asked until WE discussed it together).
Once I turned ten, my father realized that I was NO longer a little girl. The first time my father said NO I went on a rebellious rampage that led from one bad decision to the next, and with no parental guidance on site It only got worse as the days went by (my mother lived in the hospital until I was 14 an my father worked the second shift). Who knew that one of the most stupid decisions of my life was going to lead me to road of salvation....
When I got saved I felt like my heavenly father gave me a lot of things that I prayed for even when I felt I didn't deserve it (kinda like my earthly father). I have grown so much over the years, and I have also learned that the answer is not always yes. I remember the first time my heavenly father said No to me, my father died that day when he went in for a simple procedure that the doctor said would not take long, and my father would be great. Hours upon hours went by and finally the doctor called us in and said that my father had suffered cardiac arrest, and that they could not resuscitate him in time so his brain had died from not receiving enough oxygen. I remember crying out to God so hard that I felt like my chest was going to explode, I wanted God to bring him back, to save him, to bring him back to my mother. But God said NO.
What happens to us when the answer is NO? Does our faith in God change? Do we turn our backs? For a few people sadly that is the answer. Not for me...I decided that there had to be a reason why God was saying NO to me, for little while I thought that God was not listening to me. Little did I know that God had already responded by not responding. As I matured in my Christian walk, my prayers have changed from "God take away this pain" to "God help me bear this pain and help me learn what you are trying to teach me". There is ALWAYS a lesson to be learned. God only wants what is best for us, and he would NEVER say yes to one of our prayer if it meant it could possibly lead us away from him or hurt us.
We often times think that because God IS God, he wont let our father die, or we wont loose our job, or one of our family members wont be terminally ill after all. Well you know what? Sometimes our father calls our father to heaven, sometimes God had bigger plans for us other than that job, and sometimes it takes an illness to bring you closer to God. The answer will NOT always be YES, only God knows what he has planned for all of us. In fact sometimes for our own good, or that of others, "NO" is the only answer a loving God would give.
I am VERY thankful for all the prayers in which God has said YES, but none of those have brought me closer to the Lord than the ones in which the answer was NO.
Keep this in mind when you YOUR answer is NO:
I. God always has an answer...and like it or not "NO" is an answer too.
II. Just because God will not, does not mean He CANNOT. He is able to do abundantly more than we can ask or even think. (Eph 3:20-21)
III. We don't always know what His purpose is, but we can affirm THAT it is; and because of what God has revealed to us of Himself; we know that His purpose is all-loving and all-wise
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Climbing the Mountain
Since the beginning of time, God's desire was to have a family. In fact, he expressed it when he created Adam and Eve. The book of Genesis also declares that "it was not good for man to be alone" (2:18). These opening passages should remind us that we were created to be communing with God and other people. But many of us have chosen NOT to be a part of God’s family for several different reasons; personality, past experiences, fear and so on.
Imagine this... You are getting ready to climb the highest mountain on Earth. You do not have a map, a plan or a partner. You know you must climb it, but you have no idea where to begin. And so you start your journey. On you way up, you fall, break your bones, cut yourself and even slip back all the way to square one. You are proud and you will not give up so you try again, not realizing that on top of having to climb the mountain you may have to deal with the weather. So now you are either freezing or overheating...
After so many tries and failed attempts you begin to get discouraged and your spirit begins to break. Though your spirit might be broken you still get up again and give it another shot. When you finally get to the top, you realize that you are there alone, with permanent damage caused to your body and your spirit. Many of us have been there…including me.
Ask yourself this, "Did I have to endure all that pain alone? And how much less pain would I have gone through if I had someone pulling me along, encouraging me, praying for me, and sometimes even preparing me for my journey? God gives us the experiences in our lives to be able to help each other along the way (Galatians 6:2). God uses every experience for his glory. I can personally account for that. Did you know that one of the worst forms of punishment for a criminal is solitary confinement? Why do you think that is? BEACAUSE WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE ALONE!
Being a part of God’s family is one of God’s purposes for your life. That was his plan for you before you were born. The entire bible is a story of God building a family who will love him, honor him and reign with him forever. So, how do we accomplish that? The invitation to be a part of God’s family is universal, but there is one condition: faith in Jesus. Jesus helps us learn how to help each other, love each other, and be there for each other (John 13:34, Rom 12:10, Eph 4:2). We are born again into God’s family through faith. Once we become part of God’s family we are blessed to inherit everything that our Father has to offer.
I know what is like to internalize everything. I know what it is like to be proud and put up a front as if everything is okay. But I, like many other people, have gone through a lot of pain and unnecessary heartache. Don’t get me wrong, I have learned a lot about myself through those experiences and God has taught me a lot about the kind of person he wants me to be. But now that I have decided to be a part of God’s family, that mountain looks like a small hill. So if you are facing a mountain or a small hill, know that there are people out there that want to climb with you, help you along and pray with you. God strategically placed people in you life to help you grow, to help you conquer and reach the top so that TOGETHER we can bring him glory.
Imagine this... You are getting ready to climb the highest mountain on Earth. You do not have a map, a plan or a partner. You know you must climb it, but you have no idea where to begin. And so you start your journey. On you way up, you fall, break your bones, cut yourself and even slip back all the way to square one. You are proud and you will not give up so you try again, not realizing that on top of having to climb the mountain you may have to deal with the weather. So now you are either freezing or overheating...
After so many tries and failed attempts you begin to get discouraged and your spirit begins to break. Though your spirit might be broken you still get up again and give it another shot. When you finally get to the top, you realize that you are there alone, with permanent damage caused to your body and your spirit. Many of us have been there…including me.
Ask yourself this, "Did I have to endure all that pain alone? And how much less pain would I have gone through if I had someone pulling me along, encouraging me, praying for me, and sometimes even preparing me for my journey? God gives us the experiences in our lives to be able to help each other along the way (Galatians 6:2). God uses every experience for his glory. I can personally account for that. Did you know that one of the worst forms of punishment for a criminal is solitary confinement? Why do you think that is? BEACAUSE WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE ALONE!
Being a part of God’s family is one of God’s purposes for your life. That was his plan for you before you were born. The entire bible is a story of God building a family who will love him, honor him and reign with him forever. So, how do we accomplish that? The invitation to be a part of God’s family is universal, but there is one condition: faith in Jesus. Jesus helps us learn how to help each other, love each other, and be there for each other (John 13:34, Rom 12:10, Eph 4:2). We are born again into God’s family through faith. Once we become part of God’s family we are blessed to inherit everything that our Father has to offer.
I know what is like to internalize everything. I know what it is like to be proud and put up a front as if everything is okay. But I, like many other people, have gone through a lot of pain and unnecessary heartache. Don’t get me wrong, I have learned a lot about myself through those experiences and God has taught me a lot about the kind of person he wants me to be. But now that I have decided to be a part of God’s family, that mountain looks like a small hill. So if you are facing a mountain or a small hill, know that there are people out there that want to climb with you, help you along and pray with you. God strategically placed people in you life to help you grow, to help you conquer and reach the top so that TOGETHER we can bring him glory.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Power Of God's Presence in Our Lives
About 8 years ago someone once told me that God had a great plan for me, and that if I allowed God in my life magnificent things would happen. At that time I believed in God but was not a real follower o Jesus. Now I have reached a point in my life where I want nothing else but to please God and fulfill the plan that he has for me. I have experienced MANY wonderful miracles in my life and i owe it all to my God.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
The more that you allow God to come into your life the more he will shine through you and use you for his good.
My work environment is not the best environment, there is juts to much drama and it's really hard to keep everyone happy. There is such a lack of appreciation and thankfulness around that place that I decided to go a mission. I decided that twice a month I would go out of my way to say "Thank You" and "I appreciate you" to 6 people that I work with every month. It would be by making them a card, getting them a small something to make them feel special...yeah even those people that are not to fond of me. It may do something or It may not, i do believe that God has a purpose for putting this idea in my heart...
I began by choosing 6 girls and gave them a small garden pot full of candy, a small flower and a home made card. Out of the 6 there was only 5 girls that where there on that day, but I still left the small token on that other persons desk. Take into consideration that I work alone in my office but I handle 2 floors of phone calls, and I transfer calls to these girls all day long. If i do get to speak to them is mostly about patient accounts and really nothing personal.
I arrived at my desk this morning and I checked my email as usual and I noticed I had a message from the one girl that had not been there the day I passed out the goodies and this is what it read...
"I returned to work today after being on Bereavement for two days to find a beautiful flower arrangement with a thank you card from you. It put a smile on my face and just made my day. I want to thank you for thinking of us and doing such meaningful things. I also know that you like to share the love of God with those who surround you and let me tell you that He must be Big in your life. Thanks again."
You know what? It made MY DAY, and on top of it all it was meaningful to me because I don't talk to that girl! We have maybe said 10 words to each other since I began working at this place. We have crossed paths many times but never carried on a full conversation...
God overflows the love that lives inside of us onto others, to bless those around us...
Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
I can't wait to see what God does next!!...
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
The more that you allow God to come into your life the more he will shine through you and use you for his good.
My work environment is not the best environment, there is juts to much drama and it's really hard to keep everyone happy. There is such a lack of appreciation and thankfulness around that place that I decided to go a mission. I decided that twice a month I would go out of my way to say "Thank You" and "I appreciate you" to 6 people that I work with every month. It would be by making them a card, getting them a small something to make them feel special...yeah even those people that are not to fond of me. It may do something or It may not, i do believe that God has a purpose for putting this idea in my heart...
I began by choosing 6 girls and gave them a small garden pot full of candy, a small flower and a home made card. Out of the 6 there was only 5 girls that where there on that day, but I still left the small token on that other persons desk. Take into consideration that I work alone in my office but I handle 2 floors of phone calls, and I transfer calls to these girls all day long. If i do get to speak to them is mostly about patient accounts and really nothing personal.
I arrived at my desk this morning and I checked my email as usual and I noticed I had a message from the one girl that had not been there the day I passed out the goodies and this is what it read...
"I returned to work today after being on Bereavement for two days to find a beautiful flower arrangement with a thank you card from you. It put a smile on my face and just made my day. I want to thank you for thinking of us and doing such meaningful things. I also know that you like to share the love of God with those who surround you and let me tell you that He must be Big in your life. Thanks again."
You know what? It made MY DAY, and on top of it all it was meaningful to me because I don't talk to that girl! We have maybe said 10 words to each other since I began working at this place. We have crossed paths many times but never carried on a full conversation...
God overflows the love that lives inside of us onto others, to bless those around us...
Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
I can't wait to see what God does next!!...
Monday, March 30, 2009
FEAR
What is fear?
A painful emotion or passion excited by the expectation of evil, or the apprehension of impending danger; apprehension; anxiety; solicitude; alarm; dread. Fear is a chain reaction in the brain that starts with a stressful stimulus and ends with the release of chemicals that cause a racing heart, fast breathing and energized muscles among other things, also known as the fight-or-flight response. The stimulus could be a spider, a knife at your throat, an auditorium full of people waiting for you to speak or the sudden thud of your front door against the door frame.
I always thought fear belonged to others...right until on a Sunday night when I was laying in my bed back in November. I don't mean like the fear you feel when you are afraid of a spider, or get startled because someone you were not expecting jumps in front of you...
I mean gut wrenching fear, evil...life changing...
4 months ago I began a fight with a circumstance that could possibly forever change my life. I let fear consume me because for a moment there I doubted the one thing that held me together...GOD. Yes I am human after all...and very weak at times.
As I've been traveling this road of uncertainty, I have had more downs than up because I let my thoughts control me. And as the days and weeks went by the fear became so severe that It became affecting who I was, who I always wanted to be. It's funny because from then on, one bad circumstance after the other started happening...It was like a never ending fight for survival.
When evil gets a hold of your thoughts It is really hard to get back on track, and on some days I felt juts like Job did...
Job 3:25-26 "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil."
I truly believed that God strategically places people in you life for a reason. He has without a doubt, placed some of the most magnificent group of people in my life. They have been there for me without judging me, praying for me and guiding my way back to where i used to be. The fear inside of me began to fade thanks to the prayers and God's amazing grace. God lovingly reminded me that he had never let go of me, that during this turmoil I was ALWAYS in his arms and that he NEVER once left me. When evil don't win...evil gets angry and it will do anything in his power to get a grip once again of your life, and take hold of everything that brings you closer to God.
I am happy to say that I have found my way back and don't ever want to be there again. Like I said before, the fight for my life has lasted a long time. About two weeks ago I had to be rushed to an OR (operating room) during what I thought would be a routine procedure, because I had uncontrollable bleeding. Like I said evil does not like to loose...
I always wondered if it would be like a movie, it actually kind of felt that way. As I sat at that table and my husband watched me bleed out...fear began to set in once again. The doctor ran in and said something to me that reminded me of God's amazing love and grace...It was like God was talking directly to me through that doctor...as i took my first deep breath right before I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack he said " Take a deep breath,don't be afraid, I will take care of you" and then I looked at him and It was almost immediately that the same fear that almost took over me had disappeared in a matter of seconds. At that moment regardless of the results of that exam or the surgery I was going to have...I KNEW that everything was going to ok.
A painful emotion or passion excited by the expectation of evil, or the apprehension of impending danger; apprehension; anxiety; solicitude; alarm; dread. Fear is a chain reaction in the brain that starts with a stressful stimulus and ends with the release of chemicals that cause a racing heart, fast breathing and energized muscles among other things, also known as the fight-or-flight response. The stimulus could be a spider, a knife at your throat, an auditorium full of people waiting for you to speak or the sudden thud of your front door against the door frame.
I always thought fear belonged to others...right until on a Sunday night when I was laying in my bed back in November. I don't mean like the fear you feel when you are afraid of a spider, or get startled because someone you were not expecting jumps in front of you...
I mean gut wrenching fear, evil...life changing...
4 months ago I began a fight with a circumstance that could possibly forever change my life. I let fear consume me because for a moment there I doubted the one thing that held me together...GOD. Yes I am human after all...and very weak at times.
As I've been traveling this road of uncertainty, I have had more downs than up because I let my thoughts control me. And as the days and weeks went by the fear became so severe that It became affecting who I was, who I always wanted to be. It's funny because from then on, one bad circumstance after the other started happening...It was like a never ending fight for survival.
When evil gets a hold of your thoughts It is really hard to get back on track, and on some days I felt juts like Job did...
Job 3:25-26 "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil."
I truly believed that God strategically places people in you life for a reason. He has without a doubt, placed some of the most magnificent group of people in my life. They have been there for me without judging me, praying for me and guiding my way back to where i used to be. The fear inside of me began to fade thanks to the prayers and God's amazing grace. God lovingly reminded me that he had never let go of me, that during this turmoil I was ALWAYS in his arms and that he NEVER once left me. When evil don't win...evil gets angry and it will do anything in his power to get a grip once again of your life, and take hold of everything that brings you closer to God.
I am happy to say that I have found my way back and don't ever want to be there again. Like I said before, the fight for my life has lasted a long time. About two weeks ago I had to be rushed to an OR (operating room) during what I thought would be a routine procedure, because I had uncontrollable bleeding. Like I said evil does not like to loose...
I always wondered if it would be like a movie, it actually kind of felt that way. As I sat at that table and my husband watched me bleed out...fear began to set in once again. The doctor ran in and said something to me that reminded me of God's amazing love and grace...It was like God was talking directly to me through that doctor...as i took my first deep breath right before I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack he said " Take a deep breath,don't be afraid, I will take care of you" and then I looked at him and It was almost immediately that the same fear that almost took over me had disappeared in a matter of seconds. At that moment regardless of the results of that exam or the surgery I was going to have...I KNEW that everything was going to ok.
Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
My God is faithful.
I am happy to say that I am on my way to recovery and I know that even when I am caught in the midst of a storm my God will be right there with me...
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Why I Love My Husband
My last week meltdown really brought me down to think of how grateful I am to have my husband. There are many reasons why God brought us together, and many reasons why I love him. I decided to write out a list of reasons why I love my husband including what he does for me to make me happy. I am truly blessed as you will see...
1. He still opens doors for me
2.He rubs my back so I can go to sleep at night
3.He kisses on me even when I am in a bad mood
4.He packs my lunch
5.He always ends his conversations with "I love you"
6.He will go out of his way to make me happy
7.He buys me flowers
8.He is a loving father
9.He laughs at my jokes and I love the way he laughs
10.He encourages me to follow my dreams
11. He forgives me when I am wrong
12.He buys my favorite drinks/snacks for me
13.He calls me randomly just to tell me he loves me
14.He cooks when I don't feel like cooking (without burning the house down)
15.He usually gives me possession of the remote control ;)
16.He willingly watches sappy chick flicks with me
17.He sometimes brushes my hair after the shower
18.He doesn’t complain when I bring him with me to go shopping
19. He helps me raise our daughter…he’s truly a partner
20.He lets me do some different projects to keep me from getting bored around here, and then picks up the pieces for me
21.He ALWAYS takes out the trash
22.He gets really excited when I buy him music
23.He doesn’t need the latest and greatest of everything to stay happy–is committed to trying to keep thing simple as possible so we can just enjoy family.
24.He runs any errand I ask him to without hesitation or complaints
25.He ALWAYS helps me clean the house
26.He loves God
27. He uses his spiritual gifts and likes to serve others and makes me proud.
28.He brings out the best in me
29.He will wake up in the middle of the night just to go get something I am craving.
30.He gets excited about the things that I get excited about
31.When I run out of steam, he picks up and gets going. I love him for that, and don’t deserve it at all.
32.He has such a HUGE positive insight on everything
33.He worships whole-heartedly beside me; how empowering to my faith .
34.He takes me on dates
35.He holds my hand when we go out and about
36.He always praises my cooking
37.He irons my clothes every morning
38.He picks out a coat for me to wear on cold days and help me put it on before I go outside
39.He yells "I love you babe" out the window when he drops me off at work
40.He loves my family and loves to go over to my mom's house
41.He always thinks of others before himself
42.He wakes up early to read his bible EVERYDAY
43.He can't wait to go to church every Sunday
44.He hardly ever says NO to me (sometimes dangerous but fun!)
45.He will willingly take us sky diving even though he is afraid of heights just because he know I want to do it.
46.He cuddles with me
47.He is always willing to help
48.He loves me even when I go crazy
49.He tells me I am funny and that he loves me because of it
50.He always tries to find an opportunity to share the gospel with non-believers
I love him so much.
1. He still opens doors for me
2.He rubs my back so I can go to sleep at night
3.He kisses on me even when I am in a bad mood
4.He packs my lunch
5.He always ends his conversations with "I love you"
6.He will go out of his way to make me happy
7.He buys me flowers
8.He is a loving father
9.He laughs at my jokes and I love the way he laughs
10.He encourages me to follow my dreams
11. He forgives me when I am wrong
12.He buys my favorite drinks/snacks for me
13.He calls me randomly just to tell me he loves me
14.He cooks when I don't feel like cooking (without burning the house down)
15.He usually gives me possession of the remote control ;)
16.He willingly watches sappy chick flicks with me
17.He sometimes brushes my hair after the shower
18.He doesn’t complain when I bring him with me to go shopping
19. He helps me raise our daughter…he’s truly a partner
20.He lets me do some different projects to keep me from getting bored around here, and then picks up the pieces for me
21.He ALWAYS takes out the trash
22.He gets really excited when I buy him music
23.He doesn’t need the latest and greatest of everything to stay happy–is committed to trying to keep thing simple as possible so we can just enjoy family.
24.He runs any errand I ask him to without hesitation or complaints
25.He ALWAYS helps me clean the house
26.He loves God
27. He uses his spiritual gifts and likes to serve others and makes me proud.
28.He brings out the best in me
29.He will wake up in the middle of the night just to go get something I am craving.
30.He gets excited about the things that I get excited about
31.When I run out of steam, he picks up and gets going. I love him for that, and don’t deserve it at all.
32.He has such a HUGE positive insight on everything
33.He worships whole-heartedly beside me; how empowering to my faith .
34.He takes me on dates
35.He holds my hand when we go out and about
36.He always praises my cooking
37.He irons my clothes every morning
38.He picks out a coat for me to wear on cold days and help me put it on before I go outside
39.He yells "I love you babe" out the window when he drops me off at work
40.He loves my family and loves to go over to my mom's house
41.He always thinks of others before himself
42.He wakes up early to read his bible EVERYDAY
43.He can't wait to go to church every Sunday
44.He hardly ever says NO to me (sometimes dangerous but fun!)
45.He will willingly take us sky diving even though he is afraid of heights just because he know I want to do it.
46.He cuddles with me
47.He is always willing to help
48.He loves me even when I go crazy
49.He tells me I am funny and that he loves me because of it
50.He always tries to find an opportunity to share the gospel with non-believers
I love him so much.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The madness inside my head.
Friday was an ok day...i had a doctor's appointment and then went home. I was not happy about the news and honestly a little scared about it. But over all it was an ok day...
Saturday was great. My not so romantic husband attempted to be romantic by making a delicious meal at home. Flowers and candles on the table...it was wonderful...I love him so much for trying.
Sunday morning...It was horrible. I have no idea how it began, but all i knew is that i had an anxiety attack, i was crying and having a complete meltdown and felt like i could not breathe. My husband not knowin what to do decided to ignore it, which in return made it worse. I began to think all these awful things like how my husband didn't care about me and how i could possibly die of an unknown illness that i could very well have, and how we where never going to make it...and on and on. I started crying so hard that it was so hard for me to breathe. What the heck was wrong with me????
A long time ago, i suffered from anxiety and it was not pretty. I avoided social situations because i never knew when i was going to have an attack and i did not want to be embarrassed. My doctor said that stress can bring them on...the thing is i don't feel that stressed. I am a little worried but nothing like i used too. Nevertheless i managed to ruin our Sunday with my little episode. I don't blame my husband for wanting to run away, but at the same time i needed him to tell me it was ok, that he was going to protect me ,encourage me, and most of all love me.
After the episode i could not open my eyes...they were so swollen from me crying. I began thinking of how awful i must have been to my husband. I apologized for ruining his Sunday and for being awful to him...he looked at me and said "there is nothing to be sorry about...i love you and am here for you". Those simple words could have been the saving grace at the beginning of all of this...but it was not until the end that he figured out how to calm all the madness in my head. And from that we have grown....
I love my husband. Even though he doesn't always have the right words at the right time, he always figures it out...and he loves me even when i am crazy.
Saturday was great. My not so romantic husband attempted to be romantic by making a delicious meal at home. Flowers and candles on the table...it was wonderful...I love him so much for trying.
Sunday morning...It was horrible. I have no idea how it began, but all i knew is that i had an anxiety attack, i was crying and having a complete meltdown and felt like i could not breathe. My husband not knowin what to do decided to ignore it, which in return made it worse. I began to think all these awful things like how my husband didn't care about me and how i could possibly die of an unknown illness that i could very well have, and how we where never going to make it...and on and on. I started crying so hard that it was so hard for me to breathe. What the heck was wrong with me????
A long time ago, i suffered from anxiety and it was not pretty. I avoided social situations because i never knew when i was going to have an attack and i did not want to be embarrassed. My doctor said that stress can bring them on...the thing is i don't feel that stressed. I am a little worried but nothing like i used too. Nevertheless i managed to ruin our Sunday with my little episode. I don't blame my husband for wanting to run away, but at the same time i needed him to tell me it was ok, that he was going to protect me ,encourage me, and most of all love me.
After the episode i could not open my eyes...they were so swollen from me crying. I began thinking of how awful i must have been to my husband. I apologized for ruining his Sunday and for being awful to him...he looked at me and said "there is nothing to be sorry about...i love you and am here for you". Those simple words could have been the saving grace at the beginning of all of this...but it was not until the end that he figured out how to calm all the madness in my head. And from that we have grown....
I love my husband. Even though he doesn't always have the right words at the right time, he always figures it out...and he loves me even when i am crazy.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
The year ahead.
There has definitely been a lot of ups and downs this last year it has been a year of great growth. God has broke me down, restored me and renewed me in so many ways. I am very grateful for everything that he has shown me in this last short year.
I got to say that I have finally settled in to my job...change is hard and it was SURE hard for me. I had to mold myself and realize that if I was going to succeed I had to make sure that people knew where I stood in my beliefs and do the very best job that I could possibly do. The girl that yelled at me the first week has ended up being a really good acquaintance/teacher, I have gotten to know her and she is very sweet and supportive. She gives me a lot of feed back and she knows I want nothing but to do great job...so now I can go to her when I have a question and she is willing to help me. Funny isn't it?...trust me... a lot of prayer went into that one.
God has also led me to a church called SEVEN this last year, and I have met many amazing people that are now part of my growth. I am most of the time quiet and shy and the personalities at the church have helped me come out of my box. They are amazingly loving people and I always feel at home there. I know that God wanted me to come out of the box I tend to hide myself in and he has placed all those wonderful people around me for that purpose.
I look forward to another year of learning and growth. I have to be patient, I still have a lot of growing to do...
I can't wait! I'm in God's hands! How exciting!!!
In every up and down there is a lesson to be learned and I pray that I don't miss the messages that God is sending me this year...
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Wings to Fly...
"I can never see you doing anything else" "You are so wonderful with the kids"
Those where the words of a parent a few days ago. I really liked that kind of stuff, you know it made me feel good. I helped me realize that I was doing a good job.
A year ago I had given myself a time limit on how long I was going to teach..."3 years I said"...then it's time to fly! But the thing is that I was already burnt out, I was tired of teaching and I wanted out. It had been a real roller coaster of emotions because I had been working at the same place for so many years. I had grown there, built many wonderful relationships, had many hilarious children stories and on and on...but I was not happy.
Change is hard, and there is certainly changes happening at my job...changes that a lot of people decided that were not going to stick around for...including me. I was scared to go anywhere, even the idea of leaving my job scared my socks of. I learned to tell myself that there was no way I could make it out there, or that there was a chance that I could make it anywhere else.
That was until a few weeks ago when I applied for another job...there was sense of accomplishment just in applying. I finally began believing that there was a chance for me to come out of the box I've been hiding in. I had no idea if they would even consider since i had no previous experience in anything other than children...to my surprise they called me back.
I had my first interview on Wednesday Oct. 29th, they said "we will let you know next week" and by 3:30 pm Friday Oct. 31st I was being offered a new job. So much for next week. I could not believe what I was about to do...but I did it. I accepted the job and now I am leaving the place I have been working at for 8years. The same place I did so much personal growing and had so much history in. I'm afraid...so afraid of failing. My husband is so wise and said to me "If God didn't want you to have this job he would have not opened the door" that gave me some peace...I still have dreams though...I see myself walking out of that building and looking back and falling apart...I know....sad.....but I have such an attachment to this place. I prayed and prayed and I decided that no matter how much fear may be in my heart I will do this...
"I will throw myself out there trusting that God will give me wings to fly"
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Those where the words of a parent a few days ago. I really liked that kind of stuff, you know it made me feel good. I helped me realize that I was doing a good job.
A year ago I had given myself a time limit on how long I was going to teach..."3 years I said"...then it's time to fly! But the thing is that I was already burnt out, I was tired of teaching and I wanted out. It had been a real roller coaster of emotions because I had been working at the same place for so many years. I had grown there, built many wonderful relationships, had many hilarious children stories and on and on...but I was not happy.
Change is hard, and there is certainly changes happening at my job...changes that a lot of people decided that were not going to stick around for...including me. I was scared to go anywhere, even the idea of leaving my job scared my socks of. I learned to tell myself that there was no way I could make it out there, or that there was a chance that I could make it anywhere else.
That was until a few weeks ago when I applied for another job...there was sense of accomplishment just in applying. I finally began believing that there was a chance for me to come out of the box I've been hiding in. I had no idea if they would even consider since i had no previous experience in anything other than children...to my surprise they called me back.
I had my first interview on Wednesday Oct. 29th, they said "we will let you know next week" and by 3:30 pm Friday Oct. 31st I was being offered a new job. So much for next week. I could not believe what I was about to do...but I did it. I accepted the job and now I am leaving the place I have been working at for 8years. The same place I did so much personal growing and had so much history in. I'm afraid...so afraid of failing. My husband is so wise and said to me "If God didn't want you to have this job he would have not opened the door" that gave me some peace...I still have dreams though...I see myself walking out of that building and looking back and falling apart...I know....sad.....but I have such an attachment to this place. I prayed and prayed and I decided that no matter how much fear may be in my heart I will do this...
"I will throw myself out there trusting that God will give me wings to fly"
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Hurt on Purpose
Angry, Angry, Angry...
That's the way i felt the other day...
I was so angry that anyone would do something purposely to hurt me and my husband. I wanted to explode and say so many things that at the moment would have probably been very hurtful to that other person as well. As I sat there ranting and raving to my husband about how wrong "It" was my husband just looked at me and said "babe, don't worry about it". God blessed me with an understanding, patient husband for a reason, he is the perfect balance to my personality and my life. My heart began to sink and I felt that God was convicting me.
I wanted to march right over to that person and give them a piece of my mind, but I didn't...It was as if God had chained me to where I was sitting to prevent me from being a really awful person. Several years ago, I realized that if God was going to use my life I had to gain control of my tongue, keep my tongue from talking evil, and my lips from speaking deceit, as the psalmist David says. I had a choice. I could hurt people with my words...and i could do that well, or I could bring my lips into subjection to God. Obviously, I wanted to subject to the Lord, but it was still a battle.
I went to my room and my heart continued to fill with sadness, I was sad that someone would hurt us that way and sad at myself for feeling SO angry. I opened my bible and I immediately saw this verse,
Colossians 3:8
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Our words are expressions of our hearts, of whats going on inside of us. As I began to listen to my own words, I also began to learn more about myself. Some of the things I learned did not please me, but did they help me realize that I had a character flaw that needed to be addressed.
Yes I am a Christian, yes I do pray...but I am also human and therefore not perfect. But i also know that I have a choice to make when it comes to matters such as this, and for a moment I let the enemy fill my heart with anger. But God's presence is SO much stronger in my life that God immediately help me diffuse that fire that in another time in my life would have probably spun out of control. Through out the years I have let God teach me about his everlasting love, his forgiveness and mercifulness and I wanted nothing more than to please God...
So I let go of the situation and refuse to let the enemy fill my heart with anger anymore, I choose to forgive, continue to love and forget...
Matthew 5:39
But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
That's the way i felt the other day...
I was so angry that anyone would do something purposely to hurt me and my husband. I wanted to explode and say so many things that at the moment would have probably been very hurtful to that other person as well. As I sat there ranting and raving to my husband about how wrong "It" was my husband just looked at me and said "babe, don't worry about it". God blessed me with an understanding, patient husband for a reason, he is the perfect balance to my personality and my life. My heart began to sink and I felt that God was convicting me.
I wanted to march right over to that person and give them a piece of my mind, but I didn't...It was as if God had chained me to where I was sitting to prevent me from being a really awful person. Several years ago, I realized that if God was going to use my life I had to gain control of my tongue, keep my tongue from talking evil, and my lips from speaking deceit, as the psalmist David says. I had a choice. I could hurt people with my words...and i could do that well, or I could bring my lips into subjection to God. Obviously, I wanted to subject to the Lord, but it was still a battle.
I went to my room and my heart continued to fill with sadness, I was sad that someone would hurt us that way and sad at myself for feeling SO angry. I opened my bible and I immediately saw this verse,
Colossians 3:8
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Our words are expressions of our hearts, of whats going on inside of us. As I began to listen to my own words, I also began to learn more about myself. Some of the things I learned did not please me, but did they help me realize that I had a character flaw that needed to be addressed.
Yes I am a Christian, yes I do pray...but I am also human and therefore not perfect. But i also know that I have a choice to make when it comes to matters such as this, and for a moment I let the enemy fill my heart with anger. But God's presence is SO much stronger in my life that God immediately help me diffuse that fire that in another time in my life would have probably spun out of control. Through out the years I have let God teach me about his everlasting love, his forgiveness and mercifulness and I wanted nothing more than to please God...
So I let go of the situation and refuse to let the enemy fill my heart with anger anymore, I choose to forgive, continue to love and forget...
Matthew 5:39
But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The sadness that lives inside of me.
A few weeks ago my pastor (who is amazing by the way) was teaching a series that talked about risks...risk that we are willing to take as Christians to be able to bring glory to God....even if you stand alone.
In our notes there was a spot that had the question "What have you risked for God?". When i read it i instantly knew what i was going to write in that one blank spot, there was a specific time in my life where i knew that God was putting me up for a test and that i gave up something that meant so much to me. But while i was sitting there and i remembered that time in my life there was an overwhelming sense of sadness that filled my heart, it had been a real painful time in my life. I had played tug-o-war with God for months which made it even more painful.
I think that till this day i have not recovered from the hurt that i had gone through and i have not asked God to fill that void that lives inside of me. Even now as I'm writing this i have begun crying...
That blank line on that piece of paper made me think a lot about what i wanted to do in my life and how things have been SO different since i decided to "let go". Although i may get sad sometimes about what went on in my life , i does not compare to the joy that i have experienced since i decided to obey God. He has blessed me tremendously and i can already see him working on filling that void inside of me...
He has strategically placed wonderful people in my life...
In our notes there was a spot that had the question "What have you risked for God?". When i read it i instantly knew what i was going to write in that one blank spot, there was a specific time in my life where i knew that God was putting me up for a test and that i gave up something that meant so much to me. But while i was sitting there and i remembered that time in my life there was an overwhelming sense of sadness that filled my heart, it had been a real painful time in my life. I had played tug-o-war with God for months which made it even more painful.
I think that till this day i have not recovered from the hurt that i had gone through and i have not asked God to fill that void that lives inside of me. Even now as I'm writing this i have begun crying...
That blank line on that piece of paper made me think a lot about what i wanted to do in my life and how things have been SO different since i decided to "let go". Although i may get sad sometimes about what went on in my life , i does not compare to the joy that i have experienced since i decided to obey God. He has blessed me tremendously and i can already see him working on filling that void inside of me...
He has strategically placed wonderful people in my life...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Being a mom...
Well to day was my daughters first day of 5th grade. I had been nervous all weekend long and at times i wanted to cry. She is my one and only and she is the amazing blessing that God gave me, and how God literally saved my life. If it wasn't for that one blessing i would have probably been dead...but that is not what this is about...ask me later if you want to know.
This morning my stomach was probably turning more than hers, i can't believe how much time flies by. Whats the big deal you say? well if my memory serves me right, 5th grade for me was very hard. It's that age when you start deciding who you want to be and friends influence just about every decision you make. Last year i decided that i was going to move her to another school because the school that she attended was not meeting her needs (and she had been coming home with some really bad attitude), it was hard decision for me and my husband but we knew we needed to do what was best for her.
It's hard being a parent, there have been many times where i have doubted myself. I am my own worst critic and being a parent makes it harder for me. I love my girl so much and i know that every choice i make on her behalf is for her benefit not mine. Here is a short conversation we had the other day...
We were at Walmart this weekend buying her the rest of the things she needed before school, some clothes and shoes...we were in the store and she saw something that she wanted. We had already spent a lot of money on clothes and stuff, so we where just there to buy last minute things.
Mallory: Mom!!! come here!!
Me: what is it?
Mallory: Can i have this please???!!
I walked over to where she was standing...
Me: Mallory...why do you really want that? (it was shirt that had some sort of MP3 player attached)
Mallory: i like the shirt...
Me: yeah right!!
She laughed and I laughed and we walked away...then she proceeded to hug me and said...
Mallory: You are my mommy and i love you...you are my "NO" mom...
Me: Your "NO" mom???
Mallory: yeah you are my "NO" mommy...
Me: Yes you are right...i do say "No" to a lot of things that YOU DON'T NEED...
Mallory: I know..
Me: Tell me something..how do you think you would be like if i didn't say NO to you?
She paused for a moment and then looked down and said...
Mallory: I would be....selfish...
Me: You are probably right...and i only want what is best for you...
Mallory: That's why i love my mommy!!!
Then she hugged me and i kissed her and we continued shopping...
I love that she understood that i do what i do for a reason...because I LOVE HER...
She had a wonderful first day of school...and she was happy when she came home. I know that God has a plan for her, i sure hope that he can give me the wisdom to be the mom HE wants me to be.
Here is some pictures of her first day....
doesn't she look so excited?
i love my big girl...
her room number
stop taking my picture mom!!
so big...
This morning my stomach was probably turning more than hers, i can't believe how much time flies by. Whats the big deal you say? well if my memory serves me right, 5th grade for me was very hard. It's that age when you start deciding who you want to be and friends influence just about every decision you make. Last year i decided that i was going to move her to another school because the school that she attended was not meeting her needs (and she had been coming home with some really bad attitude), it was hard decision for me and my husband but we knew we needed to do what was best for her.
It's hard being a parent, there have been many times where i have doubted myself. I am my own worst critic and being a parent makes it harder for me. I love my girl so much and i know that every choice i make on her behalf is for her benefit not mine. Here is a short conversation we had the other day...
We were at Walmart this weekend buying her the rest of the things she needed before school, some clothes and shoes...we were in the store and she saw something that she wanted. We had already spent a lot of money on clothes and stuff, so we where just there to buy last minute things.
Mallory: Mom!!! come here!!
Me: what is it?
Mallory: Can i have this please???!!
I walked over to where she was standing...
Me: Mallory...why do you really want that? (it was shirt that had some sort of MP3 player attached)
Mallory: i like the shirt...
Me: yeah right!!
She laughed and I laughed and we walked away...then she proceeded to hug me and said...
Mallory: You are my mommy and i love you...you are my "NO" mom...
Me: Your "NO" mom???
Mallory: yeah you are my "NO" mommy...
Me: Yes you are right...i do say "No" to a lot of things that YOU DON'T NEED...
Mallory: I know..
Me: Tell me something..how do you think you would be like if i didn't say NO to you?
She paused for a moment and then looked down and said...
Mallory: I would be....selfish...
Me: You are probably right...and i only want what is best for you...
Mallory: That's why i love my mommy!!!
Then she hugged me and i kissed her and we continued shopping...
I love that she understood that i do what i do for a reason...because I LOVE HER...
She had a wonderful first day of school...and she was happy when she came home. I know that God has a plan for her, i sure hope that he can give me the wisdom to be the mom HE wants me to be.
Here is some pictures of her first day....
doesn't she look so excited?
i love my big girl...
her room number
stop taking my picture mom!!
so big...
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The Complicated Wife
I love my husband.
He is amazing to me and he takes care of me. Let me start off by saying that there is nothing in this world that my husband would not do just to make me happy (or to get me to shut up!). I very often times take my husband for granted and believe me when i say that i feel really bad about it. I love him with everything that i got and i sometime fail to recognize that he is my rock.
Through the years we have built wonderful memories and i know that our marriage has grown and we have brought out the BEST in each other. But there is always those little things that will never change that annoy the heck out of you (but love at the same time), and that at that moment you hate... but then later on laugh about it... like this one...
We have been having car troubles for what it seems like forever, and we have been weighing our different options. It was either fix the old car that keeps breaking down... or buy a new car. With the was our finances have been, there was no way we where buying something with wheels on it...... unless it was a bike.
My husband went to a mens dinner and there he was talking to an old friend of ours, who in conversation my husband shared the troubles we have been having with the car. So our friend said "Hey I'm selling some cars you want to buy one? come over and see them...". So after the dinner my husband come home and says...
Husband: Hey guess what? Pete is selling some cars and he said he could hook us up.
Wife: Really? that's great! what kind of cars?
Husband: It think he said a truck, a Volvo and something else...
Wife: Well we know we don't want a truck cause it sucks up way to much gas, but we can sure go for the Volvo.
Husband: yeah
Wife: Are these cars new or old?
Husband: I don't know...he wants us to come by and see them.
Wife: How much are we looking at here?
Husband: I don't know, i can ask when i come to see him...
Wife: Are they automatic?
Husband: I don't know...
Wife: Ok...so did you ask any information about these cars?
Husband: No...we can go over there to look at them...
So if didn't catch my drift i was already irritated by this time. My husband has a habit about NOT asking questions and then gets himself into interesting predicaments.
So i suggest to my husband to pick me up from work on my lunch and we can drive over to meet Pete and talk about the prices, and so I can ask ALL the questions. Before hand we agreed that we did not want a car that sucked up gas or one that was more than 5 years old.
We arrive at the place. Pete greets us, and walks us over to his DEALS....
So then before me stood a 99' F150 (that ate gas like i was going out of style), a 93 Crown Victoria (from an old lady that only drove it to church and i was almost positive they didn't make parking spaces the size of that thing anymore), a 91 Volkswagen Jetta (which was a stick...that i cant drive and it looked like it had been in about 1500 accidents) and and RV (do i need words for this?). So i looked at my husband and said..."I guess we can just live out of the RV!....so where is the Volvo?"
Husband: Oh i guess he said Volkswagen...do you want the truck?
Wife: I smiled and said...why don't we discuss this and we can call him back...
I love him for trying....
I guess I'm just complicated.....
He is amazing to me and he takes care of me. Let me start off by saying that there is nothing in this world that my husband would not do just to make me happy (or to get me to shut up!). I very often times take my husband for granted and believe me when i say that i feel really bad about it. I love him with everything that i got and i sometime fail to recognize that he is my rock.
Through the years we have built wonderful memories and i know that our marriage has grown and we have brought out the BEST in each other. But there is always those little things that will never change that annoy the heck out of you (but love at the same time), and that at that moment you hate... but then later on laugh about it... like this one...
We have been having car troubles for what it seems like forever, and we have been weighing our different options. It was either fix the old car that keeps breaking down... or buy a new car. With the was our finances have been, there was no way we where buying something with wheels on it...... unless it was a bike.
My husband went to a mens dinner and there he was talking to an old friend of ours, who in conversation my husband shared the troubles we have been having with the car. So our friend said "Hey I'm selling some cars you want to buy one? come over and see them...". So after the dinner my husband come home and says...
Husband: Hey guess what? Pete is selling some cars and he said he could hook us up.
Wife: Really? that's great! what kind of cars?
Husband: It think he said a truck, a Volvo and something else...
Wife: Well we know we don't want a truck cause it sucks up way to much gas, but we can sure go for the Volvo.
Husband: yeah
Wife: Are these cars new or old?
Husband: I don't know...he wants us to come by and see them.
Wife: How much are we looking at here?
Husband: I don't know, i can ask when i come to see him...
Wife: Are they automatic?
Husband: I don't know...
Wife: Ok...so did you ask any information about these cars?
Husband: No...we can go over there to look at them...
So if didn't catch my drift i was already irritated by this time. My husband has a habit about NOT asking questions and then gets himself into interesting predicaments.
So i suggest to my husband to pick me up from work on my lunch and we can drive over to meet Pete and talk about the prices, and so I can ask ALL the questions. Before hand we agreed that we did not want a car that sucked up gas or one that was more than 5 years old.
We arrive at the place. Pete greets us, and walks us over to his DEALS....
So then before me stood a 99' F150 (that ate gas like i was going out of style), a 93 Crown Victoria (from an old lady that only drove it to church and i was almost positive they didn't make parking spaces the size of that thing anymore), a 91 Volkswagen Jetta (which was a stick...that i cant drive and it looked like it had been in about 1500 accidents) and and RV (do i need words for this?). So i looked at my husband and said..."I guess we can just live out of the RV!....so where is the Volvo?"
Husband: Oh i guess he said Volkswagen...do you want the truck?
Wife: I smiled and said...why don't we discuss this and we can call him back...
I love him for trying....
I guess I'm just complicated.....
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Traps Disguised as Blessings
Job 18:10
A noose is hidden for him on the ground; a trap lies in his path.
After waiting such a long time fro my husband to get a job, he finally got one. I was supposed to be filled with joy and all that fluffy stuff...but unfortunately i wasn't. There was something in me that made me think that there was something not right about this.
I went home feeling bad and thought to myself, "how could i be so ungrateful?" . God had just given my husband a job and here i was feeling unsatisfied. What was wrong with me? How could i be so selfish?
I wasn't until my husband started working there and began coming home so stressed out and telling me awful stories of disrespect that i knew that my feeling was not just me being ungrateful.
Satan lays traps down for us, yes even sometimes disguised as blessings. And the more i prayed about it and spoke to God the more i was sure that this was not my husbands job. There was so many wrong things and feelings about this that i prayed and prayed...
Do you really think that Satan was going to let my family go just like that? without a fight? yeah right!!! The enemy NEVER sleeps!! He had given my husband this job disguised as a blessing to lead us back into his battlefield. You know how i know that...2 weeks later my husband got a call from another job that not only paid a lot more but he got to work with other Christians in a more stable environment and with a great opportunity for growth.
My husband is so content in his new job and can't wait to move up the ladder and learn more about the company he is now working for. Now i can really say that that blessing was from the Lord!! Our car is still broken down, but our wonderful roommates have been letting us borrow their car for my husband to get to work (which has been also as tremendous blessing!).
Satan NEVER sleeps, but neither does God and i know HE is on my side!
Psalm 31:4
Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge.
A noose is hidden for him on the ground; a trap lies in his path.
After waiting such a long time fro my husband to get a job, he finally got one. I was supposed to be filled with joy and all that fluffy stuff...but unfortunately i wasn't. There was something in me that made me think that there was something not right about this.
I went home feeling bad and thought to myself, "how could i be so ungrateful?" . God had just given my husband a job and here i was feeling unsatisfied. What was wrong with me? How could i be so selfish?
I wasn't until my husband started working there and began coming home so stressed out and telling me awful stories of disrespect that i knew that my feeling was not just me being ungrateful.
Satan lays traps down for us, yes even sometimes disguised as blessings. And the more i prayed about it and spoke to God the more i was sure that this was not my husbands job. There was so many wrong things and feelings about this that i prayed and prayed...
Do you really think that Satan was going to let my family go just like that? without a fight? yeah right!!! The enemy NEVER sleeps!! He had given my husband this job disguised as a blessing to lead us back into his battlefield. You know how i know that...2 weeks later my husband got a call from another job that not only paid a lot more but he got to work with other Christians in a more stable environment and with a great opportunity for growth.
My husband is so content in his new job and can't wait to move up the ladder and learn more about the company he is now working for. Now i can really say that that blessing was from the Lord!! Our car is still broken down, but our wonderful roommates have been letting us borrow their car for my husband to get to work (which has been also as tremendous blessing!).
Satan NEVER sleeps, but neither does God and i know HE is on my side!
Psalm 31:4
Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Vision of Hope
I was an early morning not to long ago that i woke up feeling like i wasn't able to breathe. I woke up with sweat all over my face and i felt like a train had hit me. I had woken up from a very disturbing dream, i don't dream very often and this one was definetly different. Ever since i was a little girl i knew that God has something to do with my dreams, things that i dreamed always came true. But don't get me wrong i don't think that EVERY dream that i have comes from God, i can feel when it's from God, specially when i seek guidance he sometimes guides me through my dreams.
My husband and i had been going through this awful oppression and the enemy had been attacking us left and right, car broke down, my husband had no job, i was depressed, i hated my job and so on and so fort. My husband finally got interviews for two different jobs, it had been a week and a half and neither of them had called back (even though they both said they would call back the next day to let him know if he got hired). So then i woke up from this dream and here it goes...
I was walking on what seemed to be some sort of sidewalk and i also seemed to be walking with people. I don't know who they where cause i could not see their faces. I did notice that the path that i was walking on was kind of narrow and that there was sand right next to it but i had a feeling that i wasn't supposed to walk on that. I also seemed to be enjoying myself, talking, smiling, walking....and then there was a turn in the path and for some reason i started walking backwards but still looking at the people that where behind me.
As i was walking backwards i did not notice that i had reached the end of the path and there was a lip there that i ended up tripping over. When i tripped i fell onto the sand that originally had a feeling that i wasn't supposed to be in and i had fallen flat on my back on the sand. I instantly got this sense of fear and i looked around a n noticed that it was a sinking sand box. I did not move but i did look around, and when i looked around i noticed that i was in a pit of snakes!!! I was frozen with fear and i immediately went into survival mode, i said to myself "if i don't move the snakes wont strike". So i laid there...frozen in fear and wanting to yell for help. I did not want to make a sudden move cause from past history of my dreams if a snake bites me IT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN! So i was trying to prevent that at all cost.
I started to wonder where everyone that i was walking with had gone? why weren't they coming to help me out of this pit? and then i noticed that right besides my left hand there was a snake, i for sure thought it was going to strike me any second so i started dragging my hand very slowly to get my entire arm into a bent position so i could possibly push myself out of the pit.
As i start to plan what i am going to do next and by this time i had started to scream for help, i noticed that the snake that was next to my hand was like unusually mellow . I was like if the snake was in a trance and was just looking at my hand and was not going to strike at all, and so where all the other ones.
I started to move my hand slowly backward, cause even thought the snake looked non-threatening i did not want to the the chance that it might change it's mind! I started to feel that i just might be able to get out of there unharmed, i was facing left at this time making sure that the snake was still in a trance. I finally got my hand in a bent position and i began to lightly push up and then began to turn my face forward to see how the heck i was going to get out. It was then when i turned forward that this HUGE, ugly, green, king cobra with ugly spikes all over it was staring right at my face. It looked like it was going to eat me whole and i began to cry and was filled with fear. This cobra was not happy and was not going to let me go without striking at me. I felt the evil in it, i could feel it in my soul...i cried inside and cried out to God. "please God save me!" "please God protect me!". It was then when the snake was getting ready to strike (you know when snakes slash back to bite their preys), that a super bright light in the shape of a person stood right in front of the pit and said something to the snake in a language that i did not understand.
I was still laying there with the fear within me, and the snake turned towards the white silhouette and the snake was unmobilized. The white silhouette faced me and said "do not be afraid, you are not alone" in my head i screamed "WHAT!! you try having a snake in your face!" and then the white figure said it again "do not be afraid, you are not alone" while the silhouette was talking to me the snake cam back to life and something inside of me something said "grab it by the head before it turns back to you" so i closed my eyes and reached for the spike filled snake before it could turn around to strike me. So it was with my left hand that i reached for the ugly thing and it was painful!!! i felt all those spikes going through my skin and i screamed... and then i woke up....
After i woke up i felt my heart racing and tears where coming down my face, i was sweating and i thought to myself "what now?" "what else do i have to battle now?". I can't take another hit from the enemy i said to myself...
I went to work worried and stressed and it became hard for me to concentrate on my job. I kept repeating the dream in my head over and over and i was so scared and confused, but i knew that the Lord was trying to tell me something. I told the dream to one of my co-workers who is also a Christian and she suggested that i examine the dream with an open heart and prayer and not with fear.
John 14:1
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God ; trust also in me.
It was right before my lunch break and i was sitting on a chair on my break replaying the dream in my head and praying when it hit me! I had WON! I GRABBED THE SNAKE BY THE HEAD!!! No matter how PAINFUL and scary, God was letting me know that HE WAS in control and that we had beat the snake!! By holding a snake by the head it becomes powerless!!! God had helped me win that battle! I ran out of the break room straight out to where my co-teacher was and i said to her "WE WON!!!" and she looked at me and hugged me and said "The Lord is about to do wonderful things in your life" it was right there and then that i received a text message from my husband saying that he had been hired for one of the jobs!!!! After 6 months of searching and no call backs it was then when i understood that the Lord was fighting my battles he opened the doors to his blessings.
I have been a Christian for a long time, but i am NOT perfect. Sometimes i get caught up in the monotony of daily life that I forget WHO IS REALLY IN CONTROL.
Psalm 25:2
in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
The Lord put in my heart to record these meaningful moments in my life so here is part of the interpretation of the dream...But the fact is that it wasn't just a dream...It was a VISION OF HOPE!! God is Good!
Psalm 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
My husband and i had been going through this awful oppression and the enemy had been attacking us left and right, car broke down, my husband had no job, i was depressed, i hated my job and so on and so fort. My husband finally got interviews for two different jobs, it had been a week and a half and neither of them had called back (even though they both said they would call back the next day to let him know if he got hired). So then i woke up from this dream and here it goes...
I was walking on what seemed to be some sort of sidewalk and i also seemed to be walking with people. I don't know who they where cause i could not see their faces. I did notice that the path that i was walking on was kind of narrow and that there was sand right next to it but i had a feeling that i wasn't supposed to walk on that. I also seemed to be enjoying myself, talking, smiling, walking....and then there was a turn in the path and for some reason i started walking backwards but still looking at the people that where behind me.
As i was walking backwards i did not notice that i had reached the end of the path and there was a lip there that i ended up tripping over. When i tripped i fell onto the sand that originally had a feeling that i wasn't supposed to be in and i had fallen flat on my back on the sand. I instantly got this sense of fear and i looked around a n noticed that it was a sinking sand box. I did not move but i did look around, and when i looked around i noticed that i was in a pit of snakes!!! I was frozen with fear and i immediately went into survival mode, i said to myself "if i don't move the snakes wont strike". So i laid there...frozen in fear and wanting to yell for help. I did not want to make a sudden move cause from past history of my dreams if a snake bites me IT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN! So i was trying to prevent that at all cost.
I started to wonder where everyone that i was walking with had gone? why weren't they coming to help me out of this pit? and then i noticed that right besides my left hand there was a snake, i for sure thought it was going to strike me any second so i started dragging my hand very slowly to get my entire arm into a bent position so i could possibly push myself out of the pit.
As i start to plan what i am going to do next and by this time i had started to scream for help, i noticed that the snake that was next to my hand was like unusually mellow . I was like if the snake was in a trance and was just looking at my hand and was not going to strike at all, and so where all the other ones.
I started to move my hand slowly backward, cause even thought the snake looked non-threatening i did not want to the the chance that it might change it's mind! I started to feel that i just might be able to get out of there unharmed, i was facing left at this time making sure that the snake was still in a trance. I finally got my hand in a bent position and i began to lightly push up and then began to turn my face forward to see how the heck i was going to get out. It was then when i turned forward that this HUGE, ugly, green, king cobra with ugly spikes all over it was staring right at my face. It looked like it was going to eat me whole and i began to cry and was filled with fear. This cobra was not happy and was not going to let me go without striking at me. I felt the evil in it, i could feel it in my soul...i cried inside and cried out to God. "please God save me!" "please God protect me!". It was then when the snake was getting ready to strike (you know when snakes slash back to bite their preys), that a super bright light in the shape of a person stood right in front of the pit and said something to the snake in a language that i did not understand.
I was still laying there with the fear within me, and the snake turned towards the white silhouette and the snake was unmobilized. The white silhouette faced me and said "do not be afraid, you are not alone" in my head i screamed "WHAT!! you try having a snake in your face!" and then the white figure said it again "do not be afraid, you are not alone" while the silhouette was talking to me the snake cam back to life and something inside of me something said "grab it by the head before it turns back to you" so i closed my eyes and reached for the spike filled snake before it could turn around to strike me. So it was with my left hand that i reached for the ugly thing and it was painful!!! i felt all those spikes going through my skin and i screamed... and then i woke up....
After i woke up i felt my heart racing and tears where coming down my face, i was sweating and i thought to myself "what now?" "what else do i have to battle now?". I can't take another hit from the enemy i said to myself...
I went to work worried and stressed and it became hard for me to concentrate on my job. I kept repeating the dream in my head over and over and i was so scared and confused, but i knew that the Lord was trying to tell me something. I told the dream to one of my co-workers who is also a Christian and she suggested that i examine the dream with an open heart and prayer and not with fear.
John 14:1
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God ; trust also in me.
It was right before my lunch break and i was sitting on a chair on my break replaying the dream in my head and praying when it hit me! I had WON! I GRABBED THE SNAKE BY THE HEAD!!! No matter how PAINFUL and scary, God was letting me know that HE WAS in control and that we had beat the snake!! By holding a snake by the head it becomes powerless!!! God had helped me win that battle! I ran out of the break room straight out to where my co-teacher was and i said to her "WE WON!!!" and she looked at me and hugged me and said "The Lord is about to do wonderful things in your life" it was right there and then that i received a text message from my husband saying that he had been hired for one of the jobs!!!! After 6 months of searching and no call backs it was then when i understood that the Lord was fighting my battles he opened the doors to his blessings.
I have been a Christian for a long time, but i am NOT perfect. Sometimes i get caught up in the monotony of daily life that I forget WHO IS REALLY IN CONTROL.
Psalm 25:2
in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
The Lord put in my heart to record these meaningful moments in my life so here is part of the interpretation of the dream...But the fact is that it wasn't just a dream...It was a VISION OF HOPE!! God is Good!
Psalm 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
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