Vision of Hope

I was an early morning not to long ago that i woke up feeling like i wasn't able to breathe. I woke up with sweat all over my face and i felt like a train had hit me. I had woken up from a very disturbing dream, i don't dream very often and this one was definetly different. Ever since i was a little girl i knew that God has something to do with my dreams, things that i dreamed always came true. But don't get me wrong i don't think that EVERY dream that i have comes from God, i can feel when it's from God, specially when i seek guidance he sometimes guides me through my dreams.
My husband and i had been going through this awful oppression and the enemy had been attacking us left and right, car broke down, my husband had no job, i was depressed, i hated my job and so on and so fort. My husband finally got interviews for two different jobs, it had been a week and a half and neither of them had called back (even though they both said they would call back the next day to let him know if he got hired). So then i woke up from this dream and here it goes...

I was walking on what seemed to be some sort of sidewalk and i also seemed to be walking with people. I don't know who they where cause i could not see their faces. I did notice that the path that i was walking on was kind of narrow and that there was sand right next to it but i had a feeling that i wasn't supposed to walk on that. I also seemed to be enjoying myself, talking, smiling, walking....and then there was a turn in the path and for some reason i started walking backwards but still looking at the people that where behind me.

As i was walking backwards i did not notice that i had reached the end of the path and there was a lip there that i ended up tripping over. When i tripped i fell onto the sand that originally had a feeling that i wasn't supposed to be in and i had fallen flat on my back on the sand. I instantly got this sense of fear and i looked around a n noticed that it was a sinking sand box. I did not move but i did look around, and when i looked around i noticed that i was in a pit of snakes!!! I was frozen with fear and i immediately went into survival mode, i said to myself "if i don't move the snakes wont strike". So i laid there...frozen in fear and wanting to yell for help. I did not want to make a sudden move cause from past history of my dreams if a snake bites me IT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN! So i was trying to prevent that at all cost.

I started to wonder where everyone that i was walking with had gone? why weren't they coming to help me out of this pit? and then i noticed that right besides my left hand there was a snake, i for sure thought it was going to strike me any second so i started dragging my hand very slowly to get my entire arm into a bent position so i could possibly push myself out of the pit.
As i start to plan what i am going to do next and by this time i had started to scream for help, i noticed that the snake that was next to my hand was like unusually mellow . I was like if the snake was in a trance and was just looking at my hand and was not going to strike at all, and so where all the other ones.

I started to move my hand slowly backward, cause even thought the snake looked non-threatening i did not want to the the chance that it might change it's mind! I started to feel that i just might be able to get out of there unharmed, i was facing left at this time making sure that the snake was still in a trance. I finally got my hand in a bent position and i began to lightly push up and then began to turn my face forward to see how the heck i was going to get out. It was then when i turned forward that this HUGE, ugly, green, king cobra with ugly spikes all over it was staring right at my face. It looked like it was going to eat me whole and i began to cry and was filled with fear. This cobra was not happy and was not going to let me go without striking at me. I felt the evil in it, i could feel it in my soul...i cried inside and cried out to God. "please God save me!" "please God protect me!". It was then when the snake was getting ready to strike (you know when snakes slash back to bite their preys), that a super bright light in the shape of a person stood right in front of the pit and said something to the snake in a language that i did not understand.

I was still laying there with the fear within me, and the snake turned towards the white silhouette and the snake was unmobilized. The white silhouette faced me and said "do not be afraid, you are not alone" in my head i screamed "WHAT!! you try having a snake in your face!" and then the white figure said it again "do not be afraid, you are not alone" while the silhouette was talking to me the snake cam back to life and something inside of me something said "grab it by the head before it turns back to you" so i closed my eyes and reached for the spike filled snake before it could turn around to strike me. So it was with my left hand that i reached for the ugly thing and it was painful!!! i felt all those spikes going through my skin and i screamed... and then i woke up....

After i woke up i felt my heart racing and tears where coming down my face, i was sweating and i thought to myself "what now?" "what else do i have to battle now?". I can't take another hit from the enemy i said to myself...
I went to work worried and stressed and it became hard for me to concentrate on my job. I kept repeating the dream in my head over and over and i was so scared and confused, but i knew that the Lord was trying to tell me something. I told the dream to one of my co-workers who is also a Christian and she suggested that i examine the dream with an open heart and prayer and not with fear.

John 14:1
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God ; trust also in me.

It was right before my lunch break and i was sitting on a chair on my break replaying the dream in my head and praying when it hit me! I had WON! I GRABBED THE SNAKE BY THE HEAD!!! No matter how PAINFUL and scary, God was letting me know that HE WAS in control and that we had beat the snake!! By holding a snake by the head it becomes powerless!!! God had helped me win that battle! I ran out of the break room straight out to where my co-teacher was and i said to her "WE WON!!!" and she looked at me and hugged me and said "The Lord is about to do wonderful things in your life" it was right there and then that i received a text message from my husband saying that he had been hired for one of the jobs!!!! After 6 months of searching and no call backs it was then when i understood that the Lord was fighting my battles he opened the doors to his blessings.
I have been a Christian for a long time, but i am NOT perfect. Sometimes i get caught up in the monotony of daily life that I forget WHO IS REALLY IN CONTROL.

Psalm 25:2
in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

The Lord put in my heart to record these meaningful moments in my life so here is part of the interpretation of the dream...But the fact is that it wasn't just a dream...It was a VISION OF HOPE!! God is Good!

Psalm 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

The Ugly Pit Part 2

During my childhood i had learned that you don't share your business with anyone. My mother and father were VERY private and they made sure that we never knew what was going on between my father and my mother. They never argued in front of us (if they EVER disagreed)and the ALWAYS looked happy.



Don't get me wrong, my mother and my father were the best married couple i had ever seen in my life, and still to this day i think that of them. My mother was an amazing mother, she loved us, took care of us, she disciplined us, she was wonderful. My father was hardworking, a jack of all trades, he was selfless and you always found him helping other people. Though my mother was loving, my father on the other hand was not. My father was a great provider, but when it came to feelings...well...he was lacking in that department. I loved my father so much, but he did not how to express his feelings, there was no hugging, no "i love you" , no "how was your day". My father was a man of VERY few words, and because i craved that fatherly bond i found myself following him a lot. I wanted nothing but to be like him, i thought that if i became more like him he would love me more, he would hug me more or tell me that he loved me.

I remember one particular moment as a child that i pretended to fall asleep in the couch of our living room just so my dad would carry me to bed. That was my way of getting my dad to "hug me". As i grew older, i became more and more like my father. I became hardworking, actually a workaholic, there was not time for tears no time for anything emotional. I looked up to my father that's all i knew, I just knew that i had to provide for my daughter and that was it.

How does this all tie into Part One...
With me growing up with the sense that "shouldn't talk about my feelings" and having to share with my small group about EVERYTHING that was eating me from the inside out, was by fare on the hardest things i had to do in my life.

I had lived like that for many years suppressing my feelings and thoughts. And as the people in my small group where talking about the trials that they where having in their lives, the pain inside my body became increasingly painful.

Although i had been in this small group for years, i still felt that my problems where to much for other people to be burdened with and i just focused on helping other people (just like my father). Let me tell you that God had blessed me with amazing people in my life, including the people in my small group. They have been there for my family through thick and thin, they also believe that God has an amazing plan for me my husband and daughter. One that goes beyond our wildest dreams.

After they had laid their hands on me and prayed over us (me and my husband), like i said; the weight of oppression and the physical pain that i was feeling had completely left me. That night i slept like a baby and i knew that God was NOT done with me yet.

That weekend i went to church with a little bit more enthusiasm, hoping that this day would be the day that God revealed something amazing that he would do in my life. The sermon was very enlightening, but there was no amazing revelation on what God wanted me to do next. I will admit that i was a little disappointed, but i hadn't given up yet. As i walked through the foyer there was a display and a table for a men's retreat. Knowing that we had absolutely NO MONEY for my husband to go, i approached the table to speak to the men that where manning the table. I felt that i HAD to send my husband away to be closer to God and what better way to spend time with God than to spend some time in the mountains with other amazing Christian men. I didn't know how i was going to do it, but i knew he HAD to go, after everything that i had put him through i knew he needed a break from the stress from home and from me.

I told Dave that our finances where not very good right now and that i REALLY wanted my husband to go to this men's retreat, that he NEEDED to go. I also asked if there was a way i could make payments or something...He looked at me straight in the eye and said "Deandre! we love him! sign him up there is always a way, God always makes a way!". In the meantime this woman named Sharri approached the table right as i was going to start to sign my husband up for the retreat that i had no idea how i was going to pay for and she said to me "Don't worry i am writing you a check right now". I was so overwhelmed i broke down right there on the table in the foyer. I hugged her so tight and kept saying "thank you! thank you!" She said to me "It's all God, we know how important it is for our men to got to these things".

After i thanked her for the hundredth time i ran as fast as i could to find my husband, who at the time was working in the children's department at our church. He was so excited that he had been sponsored to go, and i was so relieved that he was going to go away!!! I know it sounds bad, but 5 months without a job, he felt like he was less of a man for not being able to provide, bills pilling up, and on top of that a depressed wife...believe me he NEEDED to go!

As he got ready to go for the weekend, the feelings of loneliness started to set in. Of course i sucked it up, i was not going to keep my husband from going away. The first night was ok, the second night was horrible. I wanted to call him so bad, i wanted to hear his voice and i wanted him to console me as he had been doing all this time but i didn't. This was his time to be with the Lord, and besides i didn't want him to worry about me. It was 10:45 pm and i was sitting in my couch feeling this awful loneliness, i had no idea how much i had become dependent on him this entire time i was depressed until he had gone for the weekend. Then the phone rang! It was him! I answered the phone and he said to me "I love you so much, and I'm so glad i came". We talked for a few minutes about the amazing presence of the Lord that was out there with them and we hang up. The feeling of loneliness was replaced with happiness, i was so happy that my husband got to be so close to God.

It was Sunday morning and i did not want to get up, the depression was settling in once again. All of a sudden i felt like someone had pressed a "button" and i got up from bed. There was no emotions in what i was doing, i was just moving. I got in the shower, got my daughter ready, and told my daughter we were going to try a new church. She looked at me a little shocked but did not question my decision, she just got in the car and went with me.

Now, I DON'T GO TO NEW PLACES!!! That is SO out of character for me, but God had a plan for me and i wasn't about to tell him no. We arrived at the church, and i got to tell you that when i saw the church the first feeling of the day arrived...i started feeling nervous. I walked in to the most unusual place...a theater, that's where they met. I immediately felt the presence to the Lord in the people around me and when i walked into the actual "sanctuary" well...i felt this overwhelming sense of peace, love, happiness and relief. I began to cry and at that moment I KNEW that God wanted me there, right there at that church.

The fire that had been dormant inside of me had been reignited, and i felt the presence of the Lord in my life again. The Lord was no longer silent, he was speaking to me loud and clear! At the end of the service i was so full of life that i could not wait to go home and share it with my husband (which by the way he was on his way home by this time).

Before the end of the service the Pastor announced that there would be a membership class and that people where welcome to come even just to find more about the church. I really wanted to go home and be there when my husband arrived but i knew i had to make sure that this church was aligned with what i believed about salvation, and Jesus etc. So i went to the class and dragged my daughter along. The pastor was amazing and so where the people, but i was little worried that my daughter would not be able t connect since she was a little shy. So as i was sitting there listening to Pastor Jeremy talk i asking the Lord in my heart for my daughter to connect if THIS church indeed was the church that he wanted my family in.

God answered, my daughter connected and she was so happy! Like i said before, God has an amazing plan for us! And if you are wondering what happened next, well we are well on our way out of the pit and God has done amazing things in our lives!

Until Next time....

The Ugly Pit...

To My Dearest Friend Debbie (I thank God Everyday for sending me an Angel Like you)

As the end of my night closes in, there are so many things that are on my mind that I feel i want to share.
Not even a few months ago i found myself in an ugly pit. It was so hard to breathe, sleep, eat and go to work. I found myself crying out to the Lord and begging him to take this awful pain away from me.

But before i continue to tell you about that, there was so much going on in "our" lives that had brought me to that place...actually to many to count, to many to list.

To make it very clear, I strive everyday to live for the Lord, to be his reflection. NO i am not perfect, and i have fallen and will continue to fall short of the Glory of God. For the last few months the fire that burned inside of me had ran out of fuel. I went to church just to go to church, not because i wanted to go to church just because i knew i had to. And every night i would cry out to the Lord and asked him how come he was silent? I wanted nothing more than to serve him, and to fulfill every amazing plan he had for me.

But yet God continued to be silent....

I didn't understand, I cried and cried "God I'm here!!! Use me!"...with everything else around me falling apart, that was like icing on a cake, and i let doubt come into my mind. And then i fell in. I fell into the Ugly Pit of doubt, depression and loneliness.

For weeks i could not keep my eyes open, all i wanted to do was sleep forever, it was so hard for me to get out of bed. But I KNEW my God would not forsake me. Yet i still felt broken and i did not know why. Weeks passed by and i just went with the motions hoping that the feeling of sadness would go away. But it didn't, i closed the door, the shades and i completely withdrew from everyone...i was completely buried inside the pit.

It was then with the awful feeling of hopelessness that God sent me an angel. I remember it like it was yesterday...

As i walked into my room to cry my eyes out...the phone rang. On the other side, there....was the hand that pulled me out of the pit. As i talked to Debbie, (Debbie is an mazing woman that God put in my life, one of the most amazing women of God) i felt led to speak to her about ALL of the things that had been destroying my life. And with that sweet voice of hers, she shared her story with me, and how much we were alike...and how she had gone through something similar.

We talked for like an hour and a half, and God gave her the words to encourage me, and to point me in the direction in which i was to go. She suggested i share my sadness and oppression with other fellow Christians and have them pray for me. That was hard for me, those of you that know me know that i stopped sharing a long time ago due to awful heartbreak during a certain period of my life. I still to this day get sad over that from time to time.

That Friday i attended our small group. We usually have a topic and an agenda to follow then we pray for each other, but God had plans for me already. "Coincidentally" that night was "catch up" night, Mike said that we would talk about what had been going on in our lives, and how we could pray for each other...that there was no agenda. At that moment i felt this big lump on my throat and i felt like i was going to explode!

I knew if i was going to share i had to go last. I had so much to say and it was there...sitting in my mouth with an awful pain. I felt like i was going to throw up, i started getting a headache and as they went around the circle and getting closer to me i felt like i was going to pass out.

Galatians 6:2
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Finally the time came...i opened my mouth and it ALL came out. Sadness, loneliness, oppression...it was ALL there, ALL out...

Let me tell you that God also placed the people in our small group in my life for a reason. Without a minute to spare after it all came out, the immediately placed their hands on me and began to pray for me. I felt an amazing sense of relief and literally weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I knew that night that God was not done with me yet, that he had something else in store for me...

God has done an amazing transformation in my life...

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

But for now...you will have to wait for that story...

With all my love,

Denisse

(Debbie, thank you. I would be completely lost without you! There is no other friend like you!)